Chasing Cars


We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Embracing Reality


It’s been a year since a lot happened. It’s been a year since i’ve been able to change everything. it’s been a hell of a year that i’ve learned so much and thus Christmas is a season to be cherry. a season that will also remind me that everything keeps on moving forward. everything is different now. everything must go on. let go then move on.

right now, i’m just alone. in my own space. i have work this Christmas eve. been reminiscing the smell of a good year and somehow i’m happy. even though life have gotten tough on me, i know that… everything happens for a reason. i don’t know what else to say and think but i know there are things that’s waiting for me on the other side of the road. this journey taught me a lot of things that i can’t mention at this moment, but i will in a later date. anyway, i’m just thankful that everything turned out the way that it’s supposed to be. it’s not what i originally planned but i’m still glad that we keep on experiencing these kind of situation no matter how bad it would be or no matter how things will turn out to be.

i can’t say that this has been miserable, i can’t say that i’m totally happy… but i appreciate every drop of memory that i made this year.

we must let go of the things that we know that we really want but we can’t have. life will bring you the anything that we think we deserve. we can’t blame them for not being able to surpass our expectations but i’m still grateful because i know somehow, somewhere, somewhat … i’m able to embrace reality. the reality that i must acknowledge and accept.

i don’t know if i’m still on the loop of the 5 stages of loss… and if it’s being applied to my life, i hope to experience it a little faster. i want to move on. i want to be strong… and different. i want to face my challenges alone so i would know if i can make my own decisions and be ready for the consequences. it will be good if someone will also face these challenges with me… but who knows… i know he’s just right there. waiting. and i also hope that it’s not too late when the right time comes. it’s not false hope but just give it time. i just need to heal these wounds so it will be better in the future.

i’m not giving up in life. you must too.

i wish to have a happy Christmas.

oh well, Happy Christmas to all ! =,)

sigh…


some things are worth waiting for…

and some things are worth fighting for.

but if you’re not willing to do these two things, think twice, thrice and many times.

there are so many regrets that we want to prevent but this will determine our patience and the skill to just…

love.

I Never told You


I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there’s no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can’t believe it, I still want you
After all the things we’ve been through
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…

I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I’m not around you
It’s like I’m not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
I can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
Can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa, no, no…

The One that got Away


Summer after high school when we first met
We’d make out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday
We got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents’ liquor
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I’d be losing you

In another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you
I put those records on (Whoa)

Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It’s time to face the music
I’m no longer your muse

But in another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
The o-o-o-o-o-one [x3]
The one that got away

[Bridge:]
All this money can’t buy me a time machine (Nooooo)
Can’t replace you with a million rings (Nooooo)
I should’ve told you what you meant to me (Whoa)
‘Cause now I pay the price

In another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
The o-o-o-o-o-one [x3]

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

what i really wished for


october 21, 2013… this is the day that everything is over between us. i’m not going to blog this event out, but there’s something that i wished for that i just wanted to share.. on that day.

that’s the last time that we talked. the last time that i saw his face. and to be honest… i missed him. i miss him.

i tossed a coin on to one of the finest fountains on mall of asia. then i made a wish.

i thought to myself that, maybe, somehow, or someday… if we really were meant for each other, we will cross our paths once again. we’ll be able to forget on what happened on that day, when we’re still kids and can be together in the future.

he actually asked what i really wished for but i didn’t tell him. oh well, blogging it out right now might gave him the idea and maybe he’ll read this. i don’t know. well anyway, i’ve already hurt him. and now it’s over.

at present, we still have communication. and i don’t want to answer his questions or any of his doubts. i wanna leave it this way. i don’t wanna comment on this kind of situation.

he was never a bother, but i just don’t like him to know what i have in mind. i want to let him be. be on his way and live the life that he wanted it to be. and it’s without me.

right now i want to focus on my priorities, and i want him to think on his own too. maybe and yes… i know that the biggest regret that i have is that i have broken up with him and for the purpose of giving him the life that he deserve. the life that he didn’t have without me. the life that he can manage to do on his own. i admire his love and generosity of letting me go. i know it’s not easy for me to give him up but on the back of my mind… i have to. it’s for his own good and not mine. i’m still hurt that i don’t have him in my life anymore, and for those 3 years, 8 months and 3 days, i didn’t regret it. i really love him from the bottom of my heart and my heart will always love him. there will be some changes because we have to adjust.

we need to know that our relationship didn’t exist anymore, but that’s why i wished that maybe, somehow, or someday…

 

if God intends to let our roads diverged into one, then so be it.. if not, that’s alright too. there are things that you have to let go and some things that you have to give up. and those things are the ones where you can learn your lessons from.

past will never be a regret.

doing something that you should have done but you didn’t is.

this part of the deal is really challenging and somewhat can give you the idea that even the greatest love story will end, but if it’s really that great it will find a way to continue the story.

 

love is not complicated. the people in that situation are.

This has been the biggest regret of my life until now. But if ever that he’s now happy without me, that’s perfectly fine. I’ll respect it.

my real wish is to be with him for the rest of my life if we’re really meant for each other. We’re still young… Time will tell. We’ll just have to wait and see for us to find out.

– this post is originally published on the 6th of November 2013

my mind right now


be strong bronte.

everything happens for a reason.

everything that you do, everything that everyone do, happens for a reason. it will fit to the right spot. it will be on the right page.

i may not be the strongest girl in the world but i want to be the strongest girl on this situation.

i’m tired of being stepped on.

i’m tired of being taken for granted.

i’m tired of being weak. i’m tired of everything. i wanted to rest.

i wanted to take a break. i wanted to let them know that they can’t take away the dignity and pride that’s supposed to be there in the first place.

i wanted them to know my value.

i don’t want anyone or any other people make me feel that i’m not good enough. i have feelings that can suppress anything… that can conquer the weak points in my heart. i know i can do it, i’m just not applying it.

sometimes i wonder why did i sacrificed my pride? why am i sacrificing everything? why am i not giving myself time to think to love myself more?

some people won’t know the value of something until it’s gone. they won’t know the things that will make them happy because it’s their choice if they’re going to make their lives miserable. or otherwise, depends on them, on how they’ll make their day happy.

happiness is a choice. now, i completely understand it. i didn’t realize it before. and it’s good to know that i can do better things with my new life. i don’t know what’s ahead of me. i don’t know what’s out there…

i won’t let anyone, again, think that i’m not their kind of girl… who’ll just be afraid of being alone… who’ll just be somebody’s doormat. i hope i can be bronte again. the kind of bronte who’ll be brave enough to step outside her comfort zone and have courage to face the truth.

i’m so curious that my head will blew off and i would never risk my happiness just because of the questions that’s been running on my head. i hope this too, shall pass. i don’t want this to be a burden in my life. but once a curious person starts asking questions, expect them to have some follow-up questions based on your answers.

am i going to ask? am i this paranoid to ask who that person is? am i this curious person who wants to have a peaceful life, just by ignoring this truth that i wanted to know?

weird encounter.