lately, i’ve been experiencing a mild of depression in my system. the kind of depression where i can’t stop thinking about negative thoughts. i see other people being alone sometimes, and i don’t question them why they wanted to be alone if they’re lonely, angry, or depressed.
and i know that you would also know about this kind of thing. it’s not something that you can read, but it’s something that you must have…
in any case, you’ll also do the same.. but not all of us would like to be alone if they’re lonely. it’s not a mandatory act. it’s just that, you’ll be able to think things through if you’re by yourself. and that’s a fact…
for me, it depends on my mood. i’ll make myself busy, in that way, i’ll not waste any time drooling into something that’s not worth doing. or, i can also hang-out with my friends/family/boyfriend… whoever is available will be fine.
but, as you can see… it’s also important to be alone. you’ll have your inner peace. you’ll be able to check what’s missing. you’ll create things inside your mind, things that will build the ‘you’ part that’s not awakened yet.
i’m too weak. too fragile. too helpless in a situation like this. i want my love ones to be beside me right now, but at the same time, i want to be all by myself. i don’t want them to think about my worries, because i know they have their own worries as well…
the things that i did/still doing while i’m checking for good opportunities that can change anything in my life:
* reading books / ebooks
- my mom used to say, “if you wanted to learn the english language.. read.” . and i did. it’s not a hard decision, because in the first place, i read books but not daily. i just read when i feel like it.
* watch movies
- i’m collecting movies, and even though i can’t find the movies that i wanted to collect, i’m still searching for them until now. so, if i have bought a movie, we’ll set up the dvd player then hook it up on our tv… popcorns please!
* i draw?
- nah… i used to draw, but that’s 1-2 years ago since i have drawn something on a white sheet of drawing paper. at that time, it eased up everything that can give me stress.
* i hang-out with my love ones.
- as much as possible, i don’t want to cry. (i’m a cry baby). so i’m burying myself with the company of my family, friends and boyfriend.
* surfing the net
- yeah, i know almost everyone of us knows how to search the web, go to any manga sites, open their own social network page… and it’s very addicting.
* research some more
- they say even though you have a job, the learning does not stop there. of course, you have to read some more about the product that you’re supporting and it’s very helpful that day by day, you’ll learn something new. i’m doing it right now, even if my status on my current job is crucial, i still manage to learn new things and hope that i can turn things around.
* i blog
- most of all, i can vent out all the feelings that i’ve been feeling through blogging. sensitivity brings out the best/worst out of me but i’m still trying to be positive. writing is not my thing actually but it enhanced my skills on doing something that’s worth my while and construct my sentences way more better than before(i hope so…).
* be happy
- yeah, everyone knows, it’s a choice to be happy. there are no restrictions about this one. instead of goofing around because you’re way too sad to admit that you’re hurt… think about how you can convert that feeling and look on the brighter side of life.
* must plan ahead
- be realistic. we’re not going anywhere, unless you’ve planned something for your life. it’s not easy but you’ll get the hang of it. you need to focus on your priorities. its never too late to start planning your life. if you fail, try again.
there are more things in life that i must do aside from all the ones that i’ve included here… but i have to find that out for myself…
but the last thing that i want to do always and would not be forgotten is…
* the art of appreciation
- this is the only thing that i want to practice right now.
the things that matters most… the things that makes me feel alive… the things that must be the top priority. i must appreciate it.
i’ve been dealing with sadness that i almost forgot how to appreciate these things that surrounds me. over all, i’m still young but hence, i need to move forward and do what i gotta do with my life.
thank you for giving this to me. thank you God. you are wonderful. and with you, i am not alone.