Judgmental.

i don’t trust people that much. or let’s say, i don’t trust people easily. it’s not that they look like a hoodlum who’ll just snatch your purse or something.

maybe it’s just that, first impressions lasts. its not for a lifetime but if i get to know you better, maybe… just maybe… i’ll trust you. or still not.

i’m being judgmental in a way that i’m offending somebody that’s not even my friend. i’m being too honest that i don’t even realize that i’m already hurting someone that i’m not even aware of…

anyway, that’s not the case. it’s not wrong to not trust someone but at the very least you don’t step on someone’s toes. i don’t know. i just felt like i’m being protective in my own way. i never liked judging someone especially people whom i’m not hanging out with, but …  that’s what i told you earlier… i’m not a happy camper about the person if i saw something that they did wrong and that’s the image that is stuck on my mind. so don’t blow this one up.

i know i’m saying that i’m kindda rude but please, make sure that your hands are clean and i’m gonna make sure that i’m not gonna let you away with it if you’re going to do it again.

first impressions lasts… i hope not too long…

oh man…

yup. i’m judgmental.

so bring it on.

Marceline of Adventure time and Alice in Wonderland

i’m canvassing on what i’m going to cosplay.

and yeah, don’t you worry, i’m gonna do Marceline of Adventure Time for you… but probably not this month. there are many complications right now. and my friends and i will go to the beach this month so, hooray to us! we’ll be able to cosplay soon… maybe sooner as what you have expected…

so then, i wanna show you the costume of Marceline that i wanted to cosplay too, of course. =) (spoiler alert)

marceline of adventure time (photo credit on google.com)

i wanna share with you a picture of Alice. Alice in Wonderland. but, this Alice is a different version.

Black Alice in Wonderland.

i want to decide if i’m going to buy this or not. it’s kindda cute and different than what Alice usually looks like and i don’t know if it fits me… and i’m quite sure that it is cute and all, but it also depends on the person who’ll wear the costume. it’s how you carry this stuff with your personality.

so what do you think?

am i going to buy it?

this is me

will i be able to conquer this costume?

black alice in wonderland

Letter to those suffering from Depresion

Reblogged from LIFE IN GENERAL:

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Hi, am  Herman. I don't know you and I don't get what you are going through, chances are your condition may be different from the millions of people out there and chances are that you'd probably say, since i don't know you,  I can't really help you. If that is the case I want to ask you a simple question. Do you know your self?

Read more… 391 more words

Still Scared.

now, reality is on it’s way again. i didn’t think that things will be this way. i thought that i’ll be able to stay in this fantasy world of mine, but i can’t

i don’t know if i wanted to wake up..

the sad thing is.. i am. can’t even sleep without thinking about the thing that i’m still scared of..

 

Growing Old.

 

some of us accepts that fact, and i know that some people are just hanging around and waiting for their time to come. or others doesn’t seem to care…

but no. not me. every second of my life counts. i’m in love with time. and that’s the only thing that really runs out.

i’m growing old, or i’d rather say, i’m growing up. we all are. and so the anxiety and depression adds up to my list of powerful emotions.

i’m 21 years of age, and i have a job. i wanna do my best but it feels like it’s not enough and that sucks… guess that’s not my best after all.

they say, “you’ll deserve it, if you’ve worked for it.”

yeah, i know if you want something, you’ll do anything just to get it.

 

but.. not everything that you wanted will be yours. not everything seems to be reachable by your own hands.

there are things that you need to understand.

i hope i can move on. i wish to see the world more differently than what i’m seeing now.

i don’t want a perfect world… i just need a world where i can really live. where i can breathe…

and lastly..

we need to take a risk..

because we’ve got nothing to lose.

 

yup… time will not stop.

so don’t stop even if everything does.

Being Alone.

lately, i’ve been experiencing a mild of depression in  my system. the kind of depression where i can’t stop thinking about negative thoughts. i see other people being alone sometimes, and i don’t question them why they wanted to be alone if they’re lonely, angry, or depressed.

and i know that you would also know about this kind of thing. it’s not something that you can read, but it’s something that you must have…

common sense.

wondering why?

in any case, you’ll also do the same.. but not all of us would like to be alone if they’re lonely. it’s not a mandatory act. it’s just that, you’ll be able to think things through if you’re by yourself. and that’s a fact…

for me, it depends on my mood. i’ll make myself busy, in that way, i’ll not waste any time drooling into something that’s not worth doing. or, i can also hang-out with my friends/family/boyfriend… whoever is available will be fine.

but, as you can see… it’s also important to be alone. you’ll have your inner peace. you’ll be able to check what’s missing. you’ll create things inside your mind, things that will build the ‘you’ part that’s not awakened yet.

i’m too weak. too fragile. too helpless in a situation like this. i want my love ones to be beside me right now, but at the same time, i want to be all by myself. i don’t want them to think about my worries, because i know they have their own worries as well…

the things that i did/still doing while i’m checking for good opportunities that can change anything in my life:

* reading books / ebooks

- my mom used to say, “if you wanted to learn the english language.. read.” . and i did. it’s not a hard decision, because in the first place, i read books but not daily. i just read when i feel like it.

* watch movies

- i’m collecting movies, and even though i can’t find the movies that i wanted to collect, i’m still searching for them until now. so, if i have bought a movie, we’ll set up the dvd player then hook it up on our tv… popcorns please!

* i draw?

- nah… i used to draw, but that’s 1-2 years ago since i have drawn something on a white sheet of drawing paper. at that time, it eased up everything that can give me stress.

* i hang-out with my love ones.

- as much as possible, i don’t want to cry. (i’m a cry baby). so i’m burying myself with the company of my family, friends and boyfriend.

* surfing the net

- yeah, i know almost everyone of us knows how to search the web, go to any manga sites, open their own social network page… and it’s very addicting.

* research some more

- they say even though you have a job, the learning does not stop there. of course, you have to read some more about the product that you’re supporting and it’s very helpful that day by day, you’ll learn something new. i’m doing it right now, even if my status on my current job is crucial, i still manage to learn new things and hope that i can turn things around.

* i blog

- most of all, i can vent out all the feelings that i’ve been feeling through blogging. sensitivity brings out the best/worst out of me but i’m still trying to be positive. writing is not my thing actually but it enhanced my skills on doing something that’s worth my while and construct my sentences way more better than before(i hope so…).

* be happy

- yeah, everyone knows, it’s a choice to be happy. there are no restrictions about this one. instead of goofing around because you’re way too sad to admit that you’re hurt… think about how you can convert that feeling and look on the brighter side of life.

* must plan ahead

- be realistic. we’re not going anywhere, unless you’ve planned something for your life. it’s not easy but you’ll get the hang of it. you need to focus on your priorities. its never too late to start planning your life. if you fail, try again.

 

there are more things in life that i must do aside from all the ones that i’ve included here… but i have to find that out for myself…

 

but the last thing that i want to do always and would not be forgotten is…

 

* the art of appreciation

- this is the only thing that i want to practice right now.

the things that matters most… the things that makes me feel alive… the things that must be the top priority. i must appreciate it.

i’ve been dealing with sadness that i almost forgot how to appreciate these things that surrounds me. over all, i’m still young but hence, i need to move forward and do what i gotta do with my life.

thank you for giving this to me. thank you God. you are wonderful. and with you, i am not alone.

Nobody.

earlier i became numb again.

i became small. not weak, nor vulnerable… but i felt like i’m dying or something.

i don’t know how i got here…

the presence of my own soul kept on making me uncomfortable because of the fact that i can’t feel anything right now.

such a total bliss.

i don’t know if i’m kindda bored or just a silly girl who really likes to think about things that doesn’t really matter.

eventually i’ll wake up one day, not knowing that i’m left alone… wrinkled, and alone. i’m not afraid to grow old… ok, maybe a little but that doesn’t mean that i don’t accept that mere fact of life.

i’m gonna wake up one day, not realizing that i’ve gotta do what i gotta do…

today i don’t feel like doing anything… i just wanna lay on my bed… zzz… stop it, you lazt song!!

slap. slap. slap. i have to wake up! i know i’m not alone. i have my family, i have my friends. i have my boyfriend. i have GOD. of course, nothing can go wrong.

all these jitters makes me go crazy.

maybe i’m just not thinking through things differently. i could be more enthusiastic and be more lively on our workplace or maybe on how to deal with stress and such.

so i’m sorry if my blog posts these days does not match your expectations because i have things that i need to do first so please bear with me. thank you.

if i have the inspiration that i need, maybe… just maybe, i can get that out of my head then blog it out.

anyway, i do like this song from pitch perfect, especially with the cup thing…

 

face it.

there are feelings that we can’t have anymore. it’s not that it’s not allowing us to have those feelings to be a burden in your heart, it’s just that, that’s reality. you can’t fight if you don’t know why you’re fighting for it.

you must know your limit. you had the chance to do something right before but it didn’t work out, so it’s time to face the fact and the days  that you’ve lost and re-live the memories that you should have in the first place.

i know it’s hard to do it all at once, but at least you’ll do it one at a time. it’s better to have any progress rather than being still in one place without moving at all. who are you, the man who can’t be moved? (>.<)

anyway, you’ll just wake up one day and you’ll realize that, you’ve moved on just like anybody else.

it’ll take time, and i know it sucks to be feeling that way right now, but you don’t have to bear it by yourself…

that’s why the word friendship is created, so you’re not going to be alone.